Ok. I’ve been hesitant to do this, but I’m going to go ahead and start posting about what I’m doing because I think it will be interesting for me to look back on later on. I honestly do not expect anyone else to have any interest, but if you do…great. If not, sorry…go read dooce - even if you only do it for the pictures.
So here’s a little background to get you up-to-speed.
A year ago when we found out that we were moving to London, I proceeded to gain about 10 pounds from eating crap. I attribute the eating to stress, because that’s just what I do, and my food of choice happens to be sweet (which was pointed out to me by Ang about two years ago and shocked me when I realized it was true). So, lots more eating plus the sweet stuff proved to be a great way to put on a few extra pounds. I just decided it was to be expected and let it go. Whatever.
Then Aaron left in August and I was by myself trying to do all kinds of work to make the house sell, and take care of the kids, and be politely aware of the fact that we had overtaken his parents’ house so that they wanted us to continue staying with them, blah, blah, blah, and I was up late every night trying to get ready for the next day. It was pure hell and I’m embarrassed to say that I raided the fridge/freezer every night to snarf down whatever sweet stuff was in there. Among other things, I actually managed to eat an entire 10″ (ish) x 14″ (ish) container of homemade pralines BY MYSELF over the weeks that I was there. I just pulled the box out, parked my ass in front of the freezer, and chowed down.
And while I’m spilling my secrets, I may as well also say that I’ve been known to make myself feel sick enough with food that puking is the only option. I never really ate with the intention of purging; I just ate WAY too much and physically felt like shit afterward. Believe me, I have to feel really shitty… I HATE to throw up. (Damn it, I just did a wiki search on bulimia and I seem to fit the bill. That sucks, but at least I’ve been doing really well for the last six-eight months.)
Clearly this is not normal - and, again, is embarrassing.
In September just before the kids and I moved to stay with my parents, I ordered the book Skinny Bitch, and was determined that I’d cut sugar out of my life and would be the MILF that every mom longs to be after she’s done birthing babies. (If you don’t sense the sarcasm, please reread that last sentence. It’s there.) I was totally down with SB until I realized that I’d have to give up fruit since it’s a form of sugar. I can do vegan, but I can’t give up fruit. I honestly did try to follow the book’s recommendations a little bit, but it really wasn’t making me any skinnier and I’m pretty sure I was just more of a bitch. Besides, I don’t think anything would have worked at that point…my life was just too much up in the air.
So, we moved here in October and life was still crazy. Those first few months were really hard. I didn’t know anyone, it was raining all the time, I was trying to get settled in a place that’s not “home,” etc. It was fantastic to be back with Aaron, but everything was so different and it was really easy to rely on “American” foods to feel more comfortable. I didn’t gain weight, but I wasn’t losing it from all of the walking we were doing either. And, the whole bit with the doctors here wanting to cut back my medication with the intent of me taking only one kind wasn’t helping with the depression either.
Finally in November I started asking myself some questions. I was doing some research to try to figure out some natural remedies for depression and why I can’t stop eating cookies even when I’m full and feel like I’m going to vomit, and googled a few things:
- “natural depression remedies,”
- “sugar and depression,”
- “numbing taste buds,”
- “burn off taste buds,”and
- “sugar addiction,” just to list a few.
In the process, I came across a book title that I’d heard of before: Potatoes, Not Prozac. I really wanted to buy it the day I found it, but there was a new version coming out in January so I decided to wait. A little more research led me to some information about the author and her amazing success rate in getting “hopeless” alcoholics sober through diet and I was hooked. I found her web site, Radiant Recovery (which I initially thought was completely corny), where I started reading about other people’s success with her seven-step program.
Knowing many, many successful 12-steppers, and that this author’s research was based in addiction, this sounded doable to me. But I didn’t have the book yet, so I glanced at the Seven Steps, but didn’t give it much thought after that - after all, Thanksgiving and Christmas were around the corner…who wants to think about giving up food then? 
Anyway, these are the seven steps I looked at. (Quoted directly from Radiant Recovery, written by Kathleen DesMaisons)
- Eat breakfast with protein
- Journal what you eat and how you feel
- Eat three meals a day with protein
- Take the recommended vitamins and have a potato before bed
- Shift from white foods to brown foods
- Reduce or eliminate sugars
- Create a new life
When we got back from Christmas, I got the book. I read it over a week or so …and then read it again. The science behind it was absolutely mind boggling - and the thought that food could a) make me not want to eat sugar, and b) possibly turn around my depression seemed completely crazy. BUT, nothing else has worked with my eating, so I decided to give it a whirl.
I put a little effort into step one starting in February. There are actually four parts to this step. Within breakfast, you have to have
- enough (dense) protein for your weight, and
- a complex carbohydrate.
You have to do this
- every day,
- within an hour of getting up.
I had a hard time with this at first because I wasn’t used to eating that much food in the mornings. I prefer to spread my food out through the day. But, eventually I started doing it. I had a slip in March when my parents were here, but then I got involved in the online support group for step one and I’ve been going strong with only one messed up breakfast (in Switzerland, and a learning experience) ever since.
I started doing the journal diligently in April. It requires keeping track of
- the date and time of your entry,
- what you eat or drink,
- how you feel emotionally, and
- how you feel physically.
The keeping track of what I ate and drank wasn’t that difficult for me because I’d kept a food journal to count calories for years. But, the feelings part was really weird for me. I’d considered my emotional feelings in the past, but not physical - and certainly not how I felt after I ate something. I’d always focused on emotional feelings that LED to eating.
The journal has been a really interesting experiment. I’m learning all kinds of things that I didn’t know about myself.
- My [morning breakfast protein] shake is sweet enough without the juice. One day I forgot to put it in and I didn’t even realize it until I was writing down the ingredients as I was drinking it. I still use 1/2 banana and a handful of raspberries/blueberries, but I couldn’t believe I didn’t need the juice. I was totally prepared to hold on to that juice as long as I possibly could…forever, maybe! It literally was the reason I thought I could do this program! (Unlike Skinny Bitch, I get to keep my fruit!)
- I have a difficult time not eating when others eat. My kids have two snacks a day and I find that even though I’m not hungry, the food on the table calls to me.
- I eat when I’m bored…usually when I can’t do what I want/need to due to the kids.
- I wasn’t having enough calories in my shake. I’m an obsessive calorie counter and had a number in my head that didn’t work for my body. I added more oats and don’t think about lunch for five hours. I never thought this would be possible.
- I have a love affair with cheese and peanut butter (organic, no sugar). No clue on that one.
- I need more personal time than I’m getting.
- I have a lot of physical feelings I never noticed.
- I eat when I’m tired.
I’d been looking at the step three support group for a long time and kind of doing parts of it, but it also got a little messed up while we were in Switzerland and out of my routine. The basics are to have three meals with
- the right amount of protein for your body,
- a complex carb, and
- eat meals a intervals no greater than 6 hours with
- nothing between breakfast and lunch.
There is really a lot more to step three than this, but I won’t need to remind myself of it later on, so I’m not listing them here. (Actually, if I told you I’d have to kill you.)
So far this is where I’m at. I’m doing the three meals with the complex carb and am eating every five hours. I still eat snacks in the morning and afternoon, but I plan for them so they don’t trip out my blood sugar levels. And I still eat sugar…with every meal.
I still have a lot of work to do on this step, but I’m going to keep at it. I’ve learned a ton about myself doing it thus far and the journal just keeps telling me new things all the time.
A few of the latest:
- Drinking alcohol without a meal - even one glass of wine - makes me worthless the next day. It’s not that I feel bad, I just don’t have any ambition.
- Eating chocolate (thank you Switzerland), and cookies outside of meal times gives me a headache about 30 minutes afterward. I had to take Tylenol one evening to get rid of it, and the next day I felt hungover, but I didn’t have anything to drink the night before.
- Gazpacho makes me gassy, but I don’t care…the shit is GOOD!
So that’s it. Really. That’s what takes up all of my free time at the moment, and that’s what’s so weird that I’ve been afraid to publicize it.
But, like the gazpacho, now I just don’t care. It’s out and I’m going to keep writing about it. Because it’s my blog, damn it.
Besides, it’s not THAT weird. If I’d done it by myself and wasn’t quoting a book, taking a class, going to a seminar in October, and chatting online with all of those “sugar people” all day long you’d all think you’d witnessed a miracle, right? Right?
So there you go. Take it or leave it. It’s good to be back.
