Heidi Chronicles

Heidi…

Liam Does British English

Elena Sings Jingle Bells

Ok, here are some things for this facebook meme that’s going around that I’ve been tagged on by like 20 people.  I’m trying to list things you wouldn’t know about me, so I hope you all enjoy it and STOP TAGGING ME!  Just kidding…you know I love the attention.

1. I am slowly getting off of my depression medication by eating a potato every night before bed.  Thank you very much Potatoes, Not Prozac.
2. I haven’t eaten any sugar intentionally (aside from the occasional piece of fruit) for five and a half months.  Yes, I realize this sounds ridiculous coming from the girl who ate everyone else’s icing at weddings.  Again, thank you Potatoes, Not Prozac.
3. I love to proofread.  It’s soothing.  But  I’ll openly admit that I don’t always proof my own stuff.  Terrible, I know.
4. I don’t like to touch the bottom of lakes and I’m fearful about being in large murky bodies of water in general.  I like my water clear.  I’ve been known to pitch a fit after thinking a) that I’d seen a lobster, and b) that I’d been bitten by a fish.  The former was a crawdad, and the latter was my life jacket strap.
5. I like to eat the first bite of all of the pieces of pizza so that they are no longer triangles.  I don’t know why.
6. I don’t like to walk in the grass barefoot because there might be spiders.  They leave a nasty squish mark and I don’t want that residue on my feet.  I should note that I’m generally not afraid of spiders outside, but when they get into my territory, the bastards are in deep shit.
7. I like to have the lid to my pen on the top of it when I’m writing.  It’s a balance thing.  Aaron tells me there’s a name for it.  When the lid is on the top of your pen, evidently your pen is “posted.”
8. I love pens, but they have to write properly and I don’t care if they look good.  My current favorite was 69 pence and is an ugly orange Bic with a black cap.  If you take it, I will hunt you down and kill you.
9. I love to read biographies and autobiographies. (Katherine Hepburn is one of my favorites.) I’m sure that’s why I enjoy blogs and blogging.
10. My dog commited suicide my first day of kindergarten and I had to go see the counselor.  From that point on, every time I saw a counselor I had visions of my dead dog.  Not a pretty picture.
11. I am a paper-and-pen kind of girl.  For awhile I had an electronic and paper calendar, but I gave up and now use calendars printed from the internet.  And my calendars have to start on Monday.  It’s a throwback from the advertising world and I never let it go.
12. I hate eating outside when there are bugs or wind.
13. I would make someone a great administrative assistant. But, I come in at 9 and I leave at 4…that’s the deal.
14. People think I’m an extrovert…but I’m really just a closet introvert.
15. I need more time by myself than the average person…and when I don’t get it, it gets ugly.
16. I drive a green Ford Focus Estate/Wagon. It is ugly, but it doesn’t matter if the mirror gets hit.
17. I do the laundry and get it folded, but I have a hard time getting it put away.  And I really hate folding socks.
18. I do not enjoy unloading the dishwasher, but I don’t like to see dishes in the sink, and I like the kitchen cleaned up.  I need a dishwasher elf.
19. I collect old cameras. I don’t care if they work.  They just look really cool.
20. I shop organic as much as I can, which is SO much easier to do in London that it ever will be in KC.
21. I have recently learned that I like rosemary.  I’m having to relearn a lot of my cooking skills since I’ve made so many diet changes.  I always liked using fresh herbs, but I thought I hated rosemary.  Turns out I just have a strong dislike for focacia.  It rocks in a beef roast and in pork dishes.
22. I am allergic to almonds, which is unfortunate because I have always loved almonds. I was a little concerned that I might also be allergic to peanuts after eating a Snickers two Christmases ago and having a reaction.  Nope, it wasn’t the peanuts.  Snickers are produced in a factory that also processes almonds.  It was a bummer then, but I couldn’t care less now!
23. I used to be embarrassed to show my toes in sandals.  At one point I was trying on sandals with a more closed in toe and I asked the man who was helping me, my mom, and my boyfriend, if the shoes looked kind of honky.  I thought he was going to fall over from his kneeling stance.  I had no idea what was so funny.  He was African American…he thought it was hilarious!
24. For not wanting kids, I’m sure enjoying the two I have!
25. I like to hang out in the kitchen at parties.  (See #14)
26. I like bright, shiny things.  I’m a little bit of a dangerous driver because of it.

For more random things, go to the about me section of my blog.  It’s where I keep the dirty secrets.

Once again for you reading pleasure, I give you a Liam Story.

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Once upon a time there was a scooter and a house and lots of window on the house and the king and the princes were playing up in the play room.  And they left their window open.  They didn’t close them when they needed that much air, but they shutted them when they had that much air.

And when the princess arrived, she got off her scooter, went inside the house and then let out some of the air because that was too much air and she came up to play with the king.  And when that happened and then there was a problem in the backyard and the king and the princess looked.  And THEN , there was a danger thing.  And it was a hammer and somebody was hammering on the bad buy because the bad guys are danger.  And when the princess arrived and there was another one.  That’s because there was a fire alarm and they had to get out of the house as fast as they can.

They shut the door very fast because the fire almost got out.  The other one.  The white one can be the king’s scooter.  And then they called the firefighters because there was a fire and the firefighters came.  That’s because there was a FIRE!!  And when the firefighters arrived, they just ran inside the house and THEN………..they saw the fire!

And then he yelled, “Hey firefighters, we have a fire in the house.”

And the rest of  the firefighters came up and went in.  Then THENN…. and thenn….and THEN…there was a problem.  That’s because they lost all their water in the hose.

BOP!…the fire just opened the door and the scooter fell and then the house fell and then the house BROKE!  And then the king and the princess fixed it. And they built it right.  But the scooter is very strong because no one can ever break it.  And the the king and the princess rode on the princess’ scooter.  That’s because they were going somewhere.  And thenn…and then another scooter just hit.  RRRRRUAAAHHH!

WHEEEEE!…the king just jumped to his scooter. And then it had a problem as well!

“Oh no!” said the king.

And then the princess started to have one.

“Oh no!”

And then the king saw the broken wheel and then the king put it on his scooter and then it worked just right for his scooter.

“Oh! Now my wheel is fixed!”

And then the princess went over to the wheel and put her wheel on, but there was one problem…that’s because the king and the princess were losing their party bags.  And then the princess looked for them everywhere but she couldn’t see them because she was on the other side.  And the king had to scoot aside and THEN she saw the party bags!  And then the princess’ party bag flew away!

And then the king and the princess went back home until night time so that they can do their stuff.  That’s because they have stuff to do in the house.  And the firefighters are done spraying the fire because there’s no more fire.

And they lived happily ever after.  The End!

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I really wanted him to make them go home and dance, because whenever they princess and the king dance, they dance to reggae Jingle Bells on Aaron’s ipod.  He’s a pretty funny kid.

Typed verbatim.

Me:  Once upon a time…

Liam:  there was a little boy and a little girl and the little boy’s name was Liam and the little girl’s name was Elena and then one mommy and one daddy, but Daddy was not there and Mommy was there. And there were two little dogs named Murphy and Macey and the boy one is Murphy and the girl one is Macey and there were lots and lots of lights.  There were three in Mommy’s room and one in Liam’s room and three lights  in Elena’s room and two switches and there was three switches in the front room.  One was for another two, two were for the four lights and one was for the lights on the side.

Me: …aand?

Liam:  And that was the whole story, Mama.  The end.

He tells them like his father in that he pretends to pretend, but like me in that they are boring and anticlimactic.  Poor kid.