Today I found him standing on the booster seat tray at my mom’s. (Before you wig out, it was on the floor - not a chair.) He grabbed my phone off a table he could reach and took off running.
I can’t let him just go around in socks because he slips and hurts himself, but in bare feet or anything with grippers, he is a climbing fool.
It would be great if someone could just follow him around all day with a harness.
Ernie died at 12.10 a.m. today. It was very peaceful and my mom, her sisters, and her mom were all there.
My sis and I are at home with my mom taking care of her so that she can take care of her mom. I guess it’s what daughters do.
My step-grandfather, Ernie, has been in outside care/a nursing home since July.
He has not been quite right for several years and prior to his admittal to the nursing home, was diagnosed with dementia - which explained why at Christmas three years ago, he asked everyone, “So, how’s work going?” at least four times. He has gone steadily downhill since.
In addition to the dementia, the cancer that doctors originally discovered in his prostate moved to his bones sometime in September. He was in terrible pain.
Hospice got involved about a week or so ago. About the same time, he started trembling. Doctors said it was because the cancer had entered his brain.
As of this morning, he can no longer walk, is having trouble maintaining his body temperature and is no longer interested in anything going on around him. A member of hospice said that she would be surprised if he lives through the weekend. He has what she called a “death rattle” - “the noise caused by oscillatory movements of secretions in the upper airways with inspiration and expiration in dying patients. Death rattle is found in about 1 dying patient in 4. It is highly predictive of death within 48 hours.” (Bandolier).
He’s been sick for quite some time, but up until now, I have felt only as I would feel if a friend’s grandfather was in the hospital/dying. It was sad, but I wasn’t really that close to him, so it’s not as sad as when my grandpa died (nor was I close to him). Plus, I think I was in a bit of denial about it.
Even when I talked to my mom the first time today, when she told me about him not being able to walk, I wasn’t terribly upset. He is ready to die…we all know that. But when she called back and said the words “Death Rattle” to me, it suddenly became frighteningly real. He is going to die. He’s not going to be here anymore. And I am sad.
I am sad for my gram, who has lost two husbands - one suddenly and one over many years. I am sad for my mom and her sisters, who have been dealing with this in terms of helping my gram figure out what needs to be done. I am sad because AGAIN, Family gatherings are going to change. I am sad because in the 15 years he was in my life, I never really knew Ernie.
My grandpa died in 1989 and my gram remarried Ern in 1990. She has been married to him for 15 years - that’s longer than a lot of first marriages. She had dated Ernie before she dated my grandpa when they were in high school. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but she then she met my gramps and she and Ern parted ways. He married a woman who eventually died of cancer and she married my gramps. When she decided to marry Ernie less than a year after my grandpa had died, the Family (extended) was not pleased, but she didn’t want to be alone and I have to think that having known him for as long as she did, it just felt right.
Ernie was really not accepted by the Family, aside from my immediate family…at least that’s how I perceive it. The Family is extremely averse to change and ways of doing things different than their own. (Needless to say, I don’t fit in, but that’s another post.) My immediate family, however, is pretty open to different views, etc., I think, in part, due to our involvement in AA. As such, no one really knew how he felt joining a family of five kids and 11 grandkids, not to mention the great-grandkids that eventually arrived, but since he has no children of his own and is not in contact with his only nephew, I’m sure it was quite a shock.
Because of the situation, I am pretty sure that I am one of the grandkids that he actually respected. (Could be completely wrong, though.) Some of my cousins were not very polite and there was a lot of “not-nice” talk about him. But, I was always friendly to him, and he to me. I really don’t have many memories of him - he was always kind of a background guy - but there is one that sticks out in my mind and I’ll share it here.
I was in my sophomore year of college and was home for the weekend. We were having lunch on a Sunday and I was clearing the table afterward.
Ernie watched me walk by and as I did, he leaned down to wipe something off of my ankle saying, “Looks like you have some dirt on your ankle.”
I looked down and realized that I had neglected to cover the tattoo on my ankle with a band-aid that day…my parents didn’t know I had it. I looked at Ern and he said, “Well, I’ll be. That’s no dirt!”
No one was really paying attention just then, so I bolted to the kitchen.
However, when everyone realized that he’d nearly fallen out of his chair to reach my ankle, they turned to look and that’s when he said, “Come over here and let me take a look at that.”
“Ummm, no,” I said. But I knew I was busted. He wasn’t going to stop.
He started laughing, so I finally walked over to the table and put my foot up so that everyone could see the tattoo. I think my dad was a little wigged out, but other than that no one really freaked out…especially after I explained that the money they were giving me didn’t pay for it.
Then, just for kicks, I showed them the OTHER one. I thought Ern was going to fall out of his chair. It was pretty funny.
He never let me live that down.
Well, here’s a pic of the guy.
This isn’t the Ernie who busted me with the tattoos - you can already see the blank look in his eyes - but it’s much better than the Ernie I saw last time I visited him. And in a way, I am glad that I haven’t seen him lately. He didn’t know who I was the last time I was there, but we had a nice chat. And I’ll always remember that.
May your journey be quick and painless, Ern. Love you.
L loves to point to things that are the same. The other night we were out to dinner and he would point to all of the ceiling fans. Then the lights. Then the booths…and so on.
Interestingly enough, AJ is also a pattern spotter. This manifests itself for him in 5s. He is always looking at the clock and figuring out how he can get it to a derivative of 5. For example, it’s 10.26 right now. He would take 10×26=260, which is divisible by 5. I believe he could also do 6-1=5*20=100 and be happy with the result. He’s not particular about separating numbers and will use any kind of math to get to 5.
I know, it’s a little weird. But he married me - what did you expect?
For the life of me, I am trying to come up with a way that I am a pattern spotter, but it’s not jumping out at me - aside from the fact that I count steps. But hey, now that I have a step counter, I don’t even have to do that.
Jen and Jules came over to do the usual Thursday thing and we carved pumpkins (more pics…click image) and had a mini Halloween party. (Lots of tasty treats.)
How fun is that??
I think that’s the best thing about having kids…you get to be one again when you do all of the stuff that you did as a kid with them. Well, actually until they’re old enough to do it themselves, you have to force yourself do it on their behalf.
Today Liam didn’t even really touch the pumpkins. He watched and I scooped out all of the goo.
You know I love to play in the goo. My inner child is only 9, after all.
Guess who's coming to dinner....
And don't you dare show up without Cheddar Bunnies.
