Visitation
Went to the Funeral Home today for Visitation. It is always so weird to me that we make our corpses pretty for people to see. And I couldn’t help thinking about Six Feet Under. I totally wanted to go down to the basement and check out the embalming room.
Aside from the fact that I was thinking about the cotton balls under his eyelids and they way that his jaw was sewn shut, I will say, Ernie did look great. He wasn’t at all the Ern that I saw the last time I visited him at the home - and I was glad.
Honestly, I wasn’t too upset upon seeing him. I guess I dealt with the fact that he was going to die and that helped me deal with the death itself. But I did tear up a couple of times while I was there - once when his nurses from the home walked in and also when I saw my two grandmas standing in front of Ernie’s casket with their arms around one another.
I don’t know, but all of a sudden they looked so old. As morbid as it is, I couldn’t help thinking who would be next - and then selfishly pushing that thought out of my mind. Nor could I believe how much my aunts and uncles have aged - not to mention all of my cousins. It seems like last year that we were playing in the lot behind Chris and Andy’s house, making forts and playing Office with Mel and Ryan.
I have always been scared that people are going to die. I think it has to do with the unknown. I used to lie in bed as a kid and cry thinking about losing my grandparents and parents. But, as much as I thought about death as a kid, my own mortality didn’t really hit me until I had Liam.
It just doesn’t seem fair that we all can’t live forever to see our children grow.
